Aug 31, 2009

Calm after the storm

Ah, the 80's.  I am listening to my itunes not knowing what to post in a follow up to the bio mom visit.  Then "Wild Thing" by Tone Loc came on and I couldn't help but smile.  Most of my 80's stuff is limited to hair bands, but I get the occasional song that doesn't seem to fit me at all, but I love all the same.

N-E-ways.  The visit yesterday went ok.  I did my best to keep the focus on the kids, and my dear, dear hubs is awesome at keeping up conversation.  I had a few moments that I stood up and said "Bitch, please!" - alright you caught me, I didn't really, but I wanted to.  One of those was when she was talking about my youngest sister (in her senior year of HS) not getting along with her stepmom and sisters, "just like you".  Yeah, we had our issues when I was growing up, but she is the closest thing I have to a parent, so don't go there.  The other issue came up when she was talking to the kids and finding out what they like.  Oh, just like your mom.  Hello, how the hell would you know.  I was only a year older than my youngest when she was out of the picture. 

Luckily, I had a training session at the church to attend so I was able to step out for a few hours, and talk to a good friend about how it was going and how I was dealing with it.  She pointed out something I hadn't realized.  If I really had forgiven her, her presence would not have this huge of an effect on me.  Her example was maHvelous.  Think of an ex... yeah they did things that really sucked (maybe like cheated), but you've forgiven and moved on.  Now if I saw that individual today with or without someone else it wouldn't bother me one bit.  That is where I need to get with bio mom.

She was still at the house when I returned, but getting ready to leave.  I felt a little more at ease with the situation by this time.  She hugged me good bye and said she loved me.  I was not exactly comfortable reciprocating as I really don't know this person, other than she is the one who pushed me into the world.

Wee, "Welcome to the Jungle"  thanks Axl Rose for giving us this beaut before going bat shit crazy!

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