Aug 5, 2009

They Don't Make Batteries This Big!

No this is not a blog post about batteries, its a post about a tee shirt my husband wants to have made for me. That's right its referring to my boobs. They weren't always the object of t-shirt slogans.

After having my son, I quickly lost all of my pregnancy weight and then some - I was smokin' hot with a 3 month old. I managed to maintain my strict no taste, no fat, no fun diet through most of that year. Don't get jealous too quickly. Over the course of the next few years I started gaining, and gaining, and gaining. Now I weigh more than I ever did preggo - disturbing I know. Most of the weight settled in my hips (making my ghetto booty even more so...if there is such a thing), but a fair share went straight to the chi chis. So now we're talking DDD (thus the battery reference).

Believe me girls not as cool as my husband tells all his friends it is (and he was on the phone in the department store sharing with as many people as possible as the first humungo ugly brassier was purchased. I don't know why some women do this to themselves. They make my bra straps cut into my shoulders, make my back hurt, and leave me in constant fear of knocking out my front teeth when running after children (JK not quite that big). The other factor is where are the pretty bras for big boobies. Unless I want to spend around $75 to $100 for undergarments only the hubs will ever see I am stuck with monotone boring over the shoulder boulder holders. Not to mention my ever inquisitive daughter asking me just a few nights ago at bedtime, "mom, does anyone have boobs as big as yours?"

That brings me back to the tee. I am typically pretty conservative and quiet - until what ever spirit was slipped into my drink starts to take effect, so I would most likely never wear this thing in public. That is unless I get talked into attending the "Texas Redneck Games" at General Sams off road park as the hubs and several of the guys believe is a necessary trip for the near future. By the way...this is real - you can see the pics from the most recent one at http://www.redneckoffroadparty.com/ . The events include an Ugly Butt Crack Contest, Mud Pit Belly Buster, ATV Ditch Tubing, and I hear a Wet T-Shirt Contest with divisions for Factory and Modified (real and fake for those not up on their redneck lingo).

In order to thwart some of this madness, and to make myself feel better, I am back on a diet. No, not the super duper strict boring one where I eat all day, but every single calorie is documented and determined what percentage of my diet is protein, carbs and fat. Yeah, I told you it sucked A. Now I am just trying to eat better and more natural foods. Lots of fruits and veggies, oatmeal, and lean meats (but I still allow myself a treat everyday). I still need to get my self motivated to exercise more - ok at all, but more on that later. Hopefully the breasts and hips will shrink together. Otherwise I am doomed to a life of my chest being covered with images of batteries in redneck hell.

No comments: