In recent months I have found that I am more and more easily agitated. At first I attributed it to the turnaround I was working with an hour long commute and 12 hour work days 7 days a week. It was easy to say spending that amount of time in a small office with someone who tells the same long story to everyone who walks by your door, smacks when he eats, and offers your services then takes credit for the final product. Sure, that would be enough to have anyones hair raised. Add to that birthday parties, anniversaries and holidays. Absolutely, call me crazy...at that point I could embrace it.
As I started to get more time off work and my trigger mood swings weren't really waning, I figured I could place the blame on the stress and anxiety that accompanies Christmas; all the shopping to do, visiting family, kids out of school and hopped up on candy! Yikes! That must have been it. Then the day after Christmas Clint and I got into a huge fight that started with my mood (factors weighing in: no clean clothes (at least not ones that fit), kids not listening, and seeing my dad who didn't bother to retun my Christmas message (that is a whole other story). His responsibility in the arguement boiled down to a nic fit and mine I attributed to PMS and the previous mitigating factors.
However, we are now over a week out from Christmas. I am working normal hours. Why are the stupid little things getting me so worked up? Yesterday on my drive home I vowed to myself that I was going to have a happy evening at home. Somehow, that didn't last all the way to bed time. At 8:35 I was finishing up the last of the dishes and planning on running through the shower in time to be ready for 9 o'clock story and prayer time. As I cemented this plan in my mind, Clint decides Angelique needs a last minute bath. After Christian has already had a bath and I have done dishes, and she is notorious for standing under the running water. GRRRR! I never told him that his decision screwed with my plan, or that I had even had a plan. But to him sometimes it is worse that I don't share my unreasonable frustrations with him than keep them to myself. I ended up forgoing washing my hair and had just enough luke warm water to wash the rest of me. I had a cup of hot tea to warm myself back up before bed and used that time to be pissed that my husband does not bother to ask if I am going to shower or not - most likely the answer would be yes.
I guess my biggest problem would be is that I am so worried that my griping about little stuff will get out of hand or turn into a big fight over who knows what, that I don't say anything at all. I don't want to complain, and put blame on other people. My frustrations are overwhelming me. What can I do?
Day 23: Here goes nothing!
1 day ago