Nov 24, 2009

Dirty 30 is just around the corner!

Yes, I know, I hear it all the time...I'm still a baby.  Not just a baby, but an 80's baby.  Oh the horror.  Well, I like the 80's and with that said, I am just 3 months away from one ginormous milestone birthday.

Actually, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me.  I'm certianly not going to make any huge lifestyle changes because I've crossed the line into "real" adulthood, and now actually have to really act like one!  Who wants to do that?  To be honest I like to act goofy and be able to relate to my kids on their level.  Sometime Clint has to remind me of that all the freakin' time when I start to take life to seriously!

So to prepare for the event which I hear I should be dreading, but eh... I have compiled a list of things to do before I turn 30.  The intent was to have 29 things, but I'm not sure if I'll get to that number before posting this.  I am more than certian some of these will end up and disaster stories individual blog post for you to laugh at me enjoy later.  Here goes...

  1. Blog everyday for a month - I have tried once before, but life kinda got in the way!
  2. Ride a 4-wheeler on my own again.  Since the accident in Mexico a year and a half ago I am a bit gun shy with riding solo.
  3. Related to the 4 wheeler accident - go to the Dr. and have my wrist checked.  I really need to do this since I can't even bend my wrist enough to get into the push-up position - really I'm not sure not being able to do push ups is a problem, but my husband assures me it is.
  4. Try to play guitar hero...I plan on getting the house all to myself (yeah, like that is ever going to happen) and getting like pro level and then suprising my dear hubs with my mad skills...he won't ever see it coming (Clint...pretend you didn't read that)
  5. Spend an entire day with my kids laughing when I want to yell...I have a feeling this will be a tough one.
  6. Try sushi again...I am not a big fan of any of it that actually has uncooked fish.  I am cool with California rolls (which I have been informed are not real sushi), but I am commiting myself to try the real deal.  If I die in the next few months, it will be from food poisoning!
  7. Get a Kindle and load my book collection electronically.  I am currently taking up 2 walls in my son's room with all my books (he has floor to ceiling book shelves on 3 walls)  What!!! I'ts a small room!
  8. Finish the remodel on the kid's bahroom
  9. Buy the tile for the rest of my house - before the discontinued stock sells out!
  10. Convince my boss to give me vacation/sick time.  I do have to thank him for the pay raise...that happened after I started my list...Thanks Hermy!!!
  11. Read Twilight...see what the fuss is about...not that I need to get another book addiction
  12. Go on a wine tour...luckily we only live a few hours from some of the most beautiful wine country!
  13. Learn to cook something Thai.   My hubs loves the spicy food, so I want to be able to make something for him...I know I am so selfless!!!
  14. Go see post Ike Galveston.
  15. Go to a New Orleans Mardi Gras post Katrina
  16. Make homeade cookies with both the kids...I am guessing this will not be the same day that I don't yell!
  17. Eat scallops...now that I know what they are, I am more inclined to try them.  (FYI - they are typically circle cut outs of sting ray wings)
  18. Go shooting at a gun range
  19. Get back into my sz 10's - I figure this size is more achievable than sz 6 in the amount of time I have - and yes, I am actually torturing myself with eating healthy to get there.
  20. Do better at keeping up with tithing
  21. Call my family members at least 2x a month.  I am terrible at loosing touch with everyone, because I hate to talk on the phone!
  22. Do something as a suprise for my hubs (If you are reading this...You never know when it could happen!)
  23. Run the Kemah bridge...I really need to start training for that one.  I know there are clubs who get up early in the morning and do it, but I am usually on my way to work at that time of the morning (see 5 am)
  24. Catch up on some of my TV shows...between working insane hours and having 78 gagillion things to do when I am actually off, my DVR is full!
  25. Wear makeup and fix my hair more than once a month.  I feel better about how I look when I take the time to do it, but making the time doesn't happen very often.
  26. Get my nails done.  I think they have been neglected since June aside from my half assed attemps to keep them decent enough for flip flops.
  27. Buy new couches and a table.  We actually just bought the couch last week, but it was on my list before that!
  28. Have family portriats taken (or at least make the appointment).  I know the photographer I want, and know she is pretty booked through the holiday season, and since I want outdoor photos, will probably wait for April!
  29. I am at a loss for this last one.  There are plenty of things that I want to do, but the logistics of doing them before 30 make them unlikely.  I am going to use one of them anyway.  I want to visit my sister who lives in Wisconsin and her son who is only 5 days younger than mine.  I haven't seen her in 23 years, but the why is a super long story and has a lot to do with Bio Mom!

Nov 21, 2009

Why Do I Blog?

Being new to the blog world I don't get this question very often (at least not seriouly).  Some of my freinds (mainly of the male variety) when they find out I have one they usually ask "WHY?" in a fairly incredulous tone.  When I first told Clint..."uhm...ok".  I am sometimes pleased and sometimes freaked out that he now actually reads everyting I write.

The reason I started this blog is I was bored I really need a way to express myself.  By nature I am an extremely quiet person around most people.  I tend to only open up when I am drunk only to those closest to me, and sometimes I still don't let those people all the way in.  I don't know if it is a fear or a result of the way I was raised but I tend to be overly critical of myself and worried what other people won't "get me".  Every day On occasion I can have a conversation with someone and come away thinking what I said in no way came out the way it was in my head.  Despite not blogging with anonymity, I have the comfort of knowing that most people who read my blog don't know me (and therefore I cannot be subjected to thier judgy glares my insecuirties).  The people who I do know in person who ready my blog, I'm ok with...they are in my "circle". 

My husband says its a way for him to know what is going on inside my head when I am quiet (ALL The TIME).   Even with hime I have trouble expessing how I am feeling.  Blogging has actually improved the communication in our marriage!  If he reads something that needs to be touched on, he can bring up that he read about blah, blah, blah.  Since he already has an insight into whats going on in my demented mind, I feel more comfortable talking about it.

A new reason has recently been more and more in my mind.  In reading others blogs I find the solidarity of those supporting others in their lives.  A support system.  People all over the country their for each other even if they have never come face to face.  Sharing their experiences through happiness, trauma, and sorrow.  In just the past two weeks I have come across several different sights relating the stories and garning awareness for two separate families.  I want to be a part of that circle!

Nov 19, 2009

Can I Pretend Fat is the New Thin?

180 mother truckin pounds!!!

That's right...I broke one of the biggest don't ask don't tell rules in the women's hand book.  My weight (as of this past Sunday) is 180.2.  I am wearing a size 14 jeans.  I am the Average American Woman (maye taller at 5'8").  And I will tell you a little secret.

I AM SICK OF IT!!!!!

While never on the rail thin spectrem, I was always lean and athletic.  I started high school at a measly 99 pounds.  With in 6 months I was weighing in at 130 (largely in part to my track coaches kicking my ass and developing c-cup boobs overnight...if this makes you jealous don't be...read here).  I maintained this weight through what I completed of college, an engagement and a broken engagement.  I never gained the freshman 15, but I did gain the "in luv 15" when I started seeing my husband.  I was okay with being at 145 because really it is the "ideal" per dr standards for my weight.

My first pregnancy took me up to 172.5 (I was very sick and ate very healthy when I was able).  I struggled to get the weight off from my daughter and despite breastfeading for 9 months it took nearly a year to return to 145 and my size 6 jeans.  Then my son came along and the process started over.  It was the same weight gain, same sickness, same healthy eating.  Luckily after that pregnacy I had a plan.  I breastfed again so I had to keep my calories up, but there was a new diet some friends of mine were trying out that consisted of eating 40% lean protiens, 40% complex carbs, and 20% lean fats.  It was very labor intensive, but I was wearing a size 6 and sitting pretty at 137 in just 3 months!!!

It did not take long after returning to work (when my son turned 1) for convience and bad habits to return.  I started hitting the gym 5 days a week and taking energy supplements to maintain what I had.  I do not recommend this to anyone.  When I stopped taking the supplements (because I wouldn't sleep for 2 days after taking 1 pill at 6 am) I started gaining...and gaining...and gaining.  My highest weight that I saw on the scale sceamed 187 at me.  No fucking way!!!  My scale is broken.  So off to the in-laws abode to test out their scale...their's was broken too!

Some mornings I really ask myself...can't I just be happy fat?  I'm not that fat!  This especially comes into play when I am faced with something grotesquely fattening and bad for me that I know taste oh so devine.  I heard something yesterday that may help me with this as long as I don't tune out the little voice in my head..."No food taste as good as skinny feels"!  While my hubs is very supportive and tells me I look sexy, I don't feel sexy.  I don't want to put on sexy things (as if I would fit in them anyway).  I have to do this!

Over the summer and late fall, I started getting up early in the morning and running.  I can't do it now, or I would be getting up at 3...and not only do I really need some sleep, it's also not really safe.  When I finish the job I am on and not having to leave the house by 5 am, I will resume my runs.

Aside from that the friend that I first discovered the 40/40/20 diet is packing my lunches and sending them to work with her husband (my boss) for me.  It gets really boring eating oatmeal - plain - out of the canister - no sugar, grilled chicken, broccoli, beans, boiled eggs (no yolks), and an atkins bar...everyday.  Then my diet started having other adverse effects to the point that I sent her an e-mail asking what the point of getting skinny is if no one will want to stand anywhere near me.  I guess I need to go pick up some beano!

But it must be working because I've lost 5 pounds since I've been counting.

I know I'm not the only person (woman) out there struggling with my weighty issues...how do you get yours under control.

Nov 17, 2009

7 Year Itch?

Yesterday was my seventh anniversary!



I had intended to get on here and tell you all about my wonderful husband yesterday, but I had a reaaly busy and rough day at work.  Let's just say one of the craftsmen didn't like the colors on their schedule printout (blue, a lighter blue - maybe a little lavender, green, and gray)  I told him I could always make it pink just for him, and he threatened to slash my tires...I still have no idea if he was joking or not!  Needless to say his schedule was not pink this morning.  It was red and bright yellow, which are completely nausiating (sp?) to stare at on my computer for a 12+ hour work day!

Back to the important stuff...From our first date to the present Clint has never failed to make life intersting.  He is my polar opposite.  Loud for my quiet; outgoing for my shyness; and confrontational for my desire to sweep everything under the carpet.  He is my perfect match and the love of my life.  My friends who have been married for 9 years say "it feels like 9 minutes...under water"!  I can't say that even joking.  We still want the same things out of life, for our children, and in faith!

So after 7 years there may have been some moments of chafing here and there, but there is definately no "7 Year Itch"!

Nov 9, 2009

Happy Birthday to the Boy Who Will Always Be My Baby!

I am still working wicked crazy hours and usually have no clue what day of the week it actually is.  I have been working a turnaround for a month now and am super grateful just to have Sunday's off.  I still have at least a month to go, but as things slow down a bit here in scheduleville, I am going to start blogging again on a more regular basis.

That being said, there is no way I could forget what today is.  Christian Aaron is 4 today!  My little cowboy, ninja, bottomless pit is a big boy (if you ask him, he's a MAN).  And, assuming God does not have any more tricks up his sleeve, he will be my last baby.




Christian,

I can't think of the words to tell you how much you have added to my life.  The laughter and the yelling; the running and the asthma; the joy and the fear.  You have given me so many stories to torment you with as you get older.  I will forever be grateful for the year I was able to spend at home the year you were born.  To watch you grow, to teach you, to love you, to keep you safe. 

You started your journey into this world giving me untold grief through months of morning sickness, resting on my sciatic nerve, and never letting me sleep.  When you finally arrived you gave us a huge scare through a plumeting heart rate with each contraction.  When you came soon after it was discovered your umbilical cord was wrapped twice around your neck.  I guess even during the process of being born, you just couldn't sit still.  You came home from the hospital wearing the same clothes your daddy came home in, and someday (assuming you marry someone who loves your mommy and will humor your ol' mom) your son will too.

Yesterday you nearly made mommy cry when you carried your blanket around that you were wrapped in at the hospital.  Well, that and and harley hankie (there is no doubt you are a Smith).  The suprising thing about this is you have never been a blankie, lovie, etc. child.  Tucking you into that blanket last night with your long legs and feet poking out made me miss the days the blanket was twice as big as you.

So, my son, my baby, my Bubbalicious...I love you always and Happy Birthday big Man!

Love,
Mama