Dec 29, 2009

Christmas Past

Hello everyone!  I hope you had a good Christmas.  My Christmas was great this year aside from a few glitches (sick on Christmas Eve and major argument with the hubs on the 26th ***note to Clint - do not get in the car during a nic fit when I am already in a frustrated mood from clothes not fitting, being clean, or many other things - could also be called PMS - PLEASE sneak off to have your quick smoke***).

Christmas can be such a hectic time with all the running around to see various family, shopping in a mall where you cannot turn your head without running into someone, and a multitude of parties.  It is easy for the true reason of all the craziness is to celebrate the wonderful gift of Jesus Christ who was born to live a perfect life and die so that we can have forgiveness.

This year we got out of a bit of the chaos because of my hectic work schedule (which should be returning to a normal pace here soon).  That said, with all the things putting stress on your shoulders, there are some things that can completely destroy the Christmas spirit (or at least bring it down some).  I have 3 such Christmas memories that I wish would fade from my mind.  On the good side, they serve as a reminder of how good my family and I have it now.


I was in 8th grade that year.  I had come home from school and come through the front door (not allowed, but a good thing that I did) and thought I had seen some movement in the living room which I assumed was the dog.  I turned down the hall towards the bedrooms.  My parents door was open (never was left open on purpose) and all the drawers on the dresser were pulled out and emptied on the floor.  My brother was only 2 at the time so I figured it was something he had done before my parents left for work that morning.  I went in to access the damage and saw it was more that the dresser.  The whole room had been ransacked.  I rushed back out into the living room where all of the presents had been opened and few left behind (one of which was a flannel shirt - it was the Pearl Jam / Nirvana era - that I just recently gave up due to Clint making fun of me for not giving up old clothes).  I also noticed the sliding glass door was open and it had not been when I walked in the front door!  Thoroughly freaked out, I ran out of the house and to the neighbors to call my mom at work.  The cops came, took finger prints, said that it wasn't likely the people would be caught.   They had apparently spent the afternoon in the house.  Made friends with Brittany - our cocker spaniel who obviously was not a good guard dog, ate all our snack food,  and even stole the frozen shrimp from the deep freezer!  My parents were able to replace a few of the gifts that were stolen, but not all, and several were ones I had already seen unwrapped and tossed aside, deemed unfit for our thieves.


This was the year I decided to quit being a door mat for my ex.  I recently told Clint the story and he was shocked that I even put up with the way I was treated at all.  My ex and I had been unofficially engaged (committed to be married with a promise ring - that was to later be replaced by a nicer one) for nearly 2 years.  I went home sick from a wicked migraine, vomited from light sickness and pulled the covers over my head for the next 6 hours.  That evening I was feeling a little better (still nauseated and physically drained) so he came to see me at my apartment to exchange our Christmas gifts since he would be leaving the following morning to go hunting for a week with his dad.  He was pretty insistent on getting it on because he would be gone for a whole week, which I gave into, but the big kicker was that he wouldn't kiss me or even face me since I had thrown up because it may have been the start of the flu or something. 

I was left spending Christmas Eve evaluating what I was doing with a guy who would use me like that, especially when he thought I was sick.  He should have been taking care of me, instead of taking advantage of me.  I made my New Year's resolution to end that 3 year waste of time relationship and be single and focus on making myself stronger for a while.  I did end the relationship when he returned home New Year's Eve (it didn't hurt that he gave me a stupid ultimatum - I'm wicked stubborn).  The second part I didn't fare so well on.  I met Clint (again) that same night at my cousin's party!


Clint and I had moved to Florida in the fall of 2001.  We were 1000 miles away from family and friends (sure could have used blogging then) and while Clint can make friends with someone who can't even understand what he is saying, I have a little more trouble creating connections with people.  Clint was working during the day and going to school at night, so we mostly just saw each other on the weekends.  I found out I was pregnant in early Dec on a business trip to Atlanta.  When I got home, we called friends and family back home to share the news.  I stared spotting at my company Christmas Party a few weeks later.  I went to the emergency room where I waited for hours - I didn't have a regular doctor yet, I was supposed to go in for my first appointment the following Tuesday, so they wouldn't see me there.  I ended up calling Clint out of school to be with me.  The ultrasound showed that I was pregnant, but the embryo wasn't attached - which it should have been it that stage.  I was basically told to go home and may still attach, but no amount of standing on my head would make it happen.  I ended up miscarrying that week.  I spent the next weeks worth of evenings alone in our apartment opening Christmas cards with congratulations on the baby contained in the usual Happy Holiday messages.  That week was probably one of the lowest points in my life.  But God has provided for me...4 months later I was pregnant with Angelique.

Even in the worst of times God has been there to keep me off the edge.  I just have to always keep that faith that no matter what happens, there is better waiting around the corner for me.

What about the rest of you?  Any best or worst Christmas's?

Dec 18, 2009

I am just going to Pretend I Don't Know What You Mean

Does anyone else out there get inappropiate comments directed there way on a semi-regular basis?

To begin I have to say I work in a predominiately male work environment in refinery / chemical construction.  Inappropriate is the name of the game.  Typically comments are made in a fashion that I am aware that it is a joke.  I am definately not one who is going to run out to HR and file a harrasment claim when I know there is nothing serious behind it.  These come from people I have worked with for several years and consider friends.  I have even had someone tell my husband I couldn't come to the phone because I was under his desk!  Luckily, Clint is also friends with this person and know's he's full of shit. 

Other times it can just make me uncomfortable and give me the heebie-jeebies.  I would think I would be exempt from a bit of the commentaries given that (while still very well portioned) I am currently overweight, I wear no make-up, my hair is in a pony tail daily and my daily work apparel includes jeans, a tee, and steel toe boots.  I am not exactly putting out there my flirt with me persona.  Wearing a ring is also not a deterring factor.  Some of it I realize is just harmless flirting, but other times it sometimes concerns me.

One such case started out as someone just being nice and small talk, then talk of how he and his fiance' are having problems.  The attempt at flirting has been building up for the 2 months I have been at my current location.  Yesterday it escalated to a mistaken identity at Wal-Mart (he thought he saw me, but it was someone else) and followed up by telling me about it and saying "I wish it had been you, I sure would have liked to see you outside of work"  UH-sure-OK!

This mornings comments may have been partly my fault, but it was 5:15 and I wasn't thinking about how things sounded.  He asked how my morning was, and I replied it was ok - little weird - obviously he asked why.  My response was that my little boy had come in to our room about 4 am (15 minutes before my alarm goes off) and was laying with his daddy.  Clint told me at some point that I startled him and was being loud getting ready.  "Being too loud huh?  Wonder what that could mean?"  I chose to ignore the comment from my coworker and pretend like I didn't understand what he was getting at.  Rather than acknowleging the obvious sexual connotation, I replied, "I don't know maybe me brushing my hair was making too much noise" and went on to my office.  I could have said something (probably not as I am non-confrontational) but he is only going to be on this job for another day or two and I usually only see him in the morning when I go get my coffee.  So avoidance won't be too hard from now to then.

FYI:  My being too loud this morning came from indigestion and my loud burping so get your mind out of the gutter!

What would you suggest I do under the circumstances.  Do I need to quit showering?  Hide in my office?

Dec 17, 2009

First Boyfriends - Who knew You're Parents were Right all Along

Holly crap ya'll (yes I know I misspelled - I need someway to make life festive)!  It almost seems like I forgot I have a blog at all!  Life has been one huge hodgepodge of I need, I want, and Do this!  Enough of my bitchin' though, I'm gonna put on my gear: safety glasses, hard-hat, phosgene - aka mustard gas badge, coat (correction - rain slicker - I may be cold, but at least I'm dry) and go grab my breakfast (so my stomach will shut the hell up) and then I will get down to a real live post, yo!