Feb 26, 2010

Run Away...Far Away

Lots to do today to get ready for my road trip this evening, so I am going to re-post.  Most of you probably haven't read this one since I posted it before I suckered you all  in to read my nonsense.

Well, If I was a normal person I would have after (more like during) my first date with the hubs.

Background: I was just weeks out of a 3 year volatile relationship and he was treating me with kid gloves - except when he wasn't (hehehe) just trying to date me. I had promised myself that since my previous ill fated relationship was finally over, I was going to be a wild, crazy and single gal for a while. Clint was not quite on the same page.

We met (though not technically not our first meeting) at a New Year's Eve Party the same night I called off my relationship.  Clint also happened to be at the end of a very rocky relationship. When he walked in the door the first person he saw had a bottle of Parrot Bay tipped up in the air (yours truly) pointed and said "that one's mine". Yep, a true romantic I have on my hands. Being determined to stay on my single path however, I refused to date him. Somehow (I'm guessing my cousin had something to do with it) he started showing up at her house every time I was over there or there was a group event planned. BTW: Pauley Shore in person,,,funnier than I thought he would be - but that could have been the booze. Finally, after him being everywhere I was going anyway I agreed to go on a date with him.

He picked me up - did I mention we lived on opposite sides of Houston (for outsiders that might not mean much, but that means an hour plus when traffic is cooperating) - and took me to dinner at a cool South American place (Budarazzi's (sp?) I think is what it was called - it is closed now though) where they bring around rotisserie meats and fruits and cut off the portions you want at the table. While we were dining (that word sound so much more grown up than stuffing our faces) he got a page. Yes, a page. It was only 2001 folks and pagers weren't considered dinosaurs - yet. He thought he might be getting called into work so he went to call the number back. It turns out it was just his friends (all of whom he has known since HS and some longer), and they were planning to go see a movie and wanted him to come along. He told them he would ask if I was ok with it. Then before hanging up he made the fatal mistake "Don't embarrass me"!

Before going to meet the friends we had to go by his mom's to see another friend who was only in town for the evening. This part was pre-planned and I knew we were going to do this, since he didn't want to break his date with me (I might not have re-scheduled it...bitchy huh?) and see his friend also. It went really well. I had never met parents on the first date before (more like after 6 months). After a short visit and smoking as many cigarettes as possible we headed for the friends. Ominous thought racing through my head.

Lets just say Clint was right to worry. Two of the guys ran out to meet us and lock me in a big bear hug (did I mention I have never met these people before?). But there is more. Jeremy is 6'3" and looked every bit of the HS football player he had been (he is also now my boss) and Shawn is more like 5'8" and has a stocky build. The group had collectively brainstormed what they could possible do to embarrass the hell out of Clint and chase off the newest gal pal (my hubs, he was a man slut before he got lucky enough to find me, and he liked the dumb ones). Their plan involved the wardrobe of a former stripper that Shawn was dating. The embarrassment came with when they ran out - on a public street - to hug me - these two men boys had squeezed themselves into stripper attire. Shawn was decked out in a white full lace body suit with tighty whiteys underneath and lucite stripper heels. Jeremy was wearing a gold lame' tube top and matching mini skirt, but he couldn't get his gargantuan size 15 feet into the stripper heels!

I think the fact that I thought this was funny high-larious solidified my place among the group as well as with Clint. Thinking back I should have insisted they go to the movie like that. And I really should have gotten pictures, but this was way before camera phones were the norm.  What might you have done in the same situation?

Feb 25, 2010

Thank You, Where Thank You Is Due

* Note:  Several of these are genuine.  Some however, will be dripping with sarcasm.  See if you can tell the difference.

1.  Thank you to all who left wonderful comments for me yesterday.  I believe I e-mailed each of you to thank you personally, but I'm sorry if I missed someone.

2.  Thank you to my husbands company for sending him to Tulsa the night before my birthday.

3.  Thank you Clint for sending me the most beautiful message to wake up to on my birthday.
Happy Birthday my beautiful wife.  I pray that your day turns out great and that your next 30 years are blessed.  I have known u for more than half of your life now and I thank GOD for every day he gives us together.  I Love You Baby.
See...he is awesome.

4.  Thank you Christian for choosing to throw a fit about having to get dressed and making me start my day swatting your small behind.

5.  Thank you MIL & FIL for picking up the kids from school and taking me to eat.  I had a wonderful dinner.

6.  Thank you Dad for calling.  I really wasn't expecting you to.

7.  Thank you Dad for saying before we ended our conversation to call you tomorrow because we needed to talk about something, just not on my birthday.  I am sure to be a ball of nerves till that conversation that has the potential to ruin my whole weekend.

8.  Thank you kids for fighting over Dance Dance Revolution while I was on the phone with Grandma

9.  Thank you to all friends and family who called, texted, facebooked, or e-mailed to wish me happy b-day.

10.  Thank you hubby for coming home in time to help put the kids to bed.  It is always easier when you are here.  And for coming home with the beautiful roses.

Feb 24, 2010

The Time Has Come

HOLY SHIT YA'LL! (yes I am from Texas - SHUT UP!)  10:15 a.m. officially marks my third decade here on plant earth.  Because you know, I lived on Venus before that.

Well I guess this means its time to update my 29 things to do before 30.  Don't get all excited for me.  I was an utter failure.  But that's OK.  Cause I am still here and I can still do these things (or not).  Here goes.

1. Blog everyday for a month - I have tried once before, but life kinda got in the way!

I did really well in January (for a while).  As usual life got in the way.  One thing that I discovered though, is when I put that mandate on myself, blogging became a chore and something I would put off till the last minute.  Now I will only blog it I have something to say...or nothing at all and I just want to put some nonsense out there :)

2. Ride a 4-wheeler on my own again. Since the accident in Mexico a year and a half ago I am a bit gun shy with riding solo.

This hasn't happened, but it is likely to this summer.  My brace and I are looking forward to it.

3. Related to the 4 wheeler accident - go to the Dr. and have my wrist checked. I really need to do this since I can't even bend my wrist enough to get into the push-up position - really I'm not sure not being able to do push ups is a problem, but my husband assures me it is.

Hmmm...I don't like going to the Dr. so, no, not done.

4. Try to play guitar hero...I plan on getting the house all to myself (yeah, like that is ever going to happen) and getting like pro level and then suprising my dear hubs with my mad skills...he won't ever see it coming

No Guitar Hero (the guitars require batteries).  But I am kicking ass and taking names on Dance Dance Revolution

5. Spend an entire day with my kids laughing when I want to yell...I have a feeling this will be a tough one.

Done.  Hard.  Felt good not going to bed with guilt.
6. Try sushi again...I am not a big fan of any of it that actually has uncooked fish. I am cool with California rolls (which I have been informed are not real sushi), but I am commiting myself to try the real deal. If I die in the next few months, it will be from food poisoning!

Done! I have officially had salmon sashimi, tuna, california rolls, and rock and roll. I still did not like the salmon and tuna! Clint informed me all sushi means is made with rice. Clint had this. It is some kind of caviar and he said it kind of explodes in you mouth. Definately not trying that!

7. Get a Kindle and load my book collection electronically. I am currently taking up 2 walls in my son's room with all my books (he has floor to ceiling book shelves on 3 walls) What!!! I'ts a small room!

Not yet, but on my Priority list.

8. Finish the remodel on the kid's bahroom

2 Doors on, Bead board up in small room, texture and toilet.  Still need to paint, get a sink, cabinet and put up 3rd door and bead board in the larger room

9. Buy the tile for the rest of my house - before the discontinued stock sells out!

Don't know why we haven't done this yet, but we did get a bid for having someone else lay the tile for us.

10. Convince my boss to give me vacation/sick time.
I got a raise.  I think that is supposed to cover not having vacay and sick time.  I was a really good raise!

11. Read Twilight...see what the fuss is about...not that I need to get another book addiction Would like to download this on my new e-reader, but might have to borrow from the library or buy at a used book store.

I bought the first book, started it a few weeks ago, but never got past the 2nd chapter.  Not like I have time to read much anyway.

12. Go on a wine tour...luckily we only live a few hours from some of the most beautiful wine country!

Haven't done this, but still really want to.

13. Learn to cook something Thai. My hubs loves the spicy food, so I want to be able to make something for him...I know I am so selfless!!!

Maybe I'll just take him out for Thai.  I do have a friend from Thailand, but cooking sounds like a lot of work.

14. Go see post Ike Galveston.

Will do this summer - it was colder than usual here this winter and I can't handle the coastal breeze when it's cold.

15. Go to a New Orleans Mardi Gras post Katrina

February was way too busy this year, maybe we can plan on it for next.  Anyone want to go with?

16. Make homeade cookies with both the kids...I am guessing this will not be the same day that I don't yell!

I made Leaky's B-day cake at home and let them help decorate it.  Does that count?

17. Eat scallops...now that I know what they are, I am more inclined to try them. (FYI - they are typically circle cut outs of sting ray wings)

Done, can do without in the future. Ok but nothin' special

18. Go shooting at a gun range

Clint got a new pistol for Christmas, so we are definately going.

19. Get back into my sz 10's - I figure this size is more achievable than sz 6 in the amount of time I have - and yes, I am actually torturing myself with eating healthy to get there.

Sz 10 slacks yes, jeans no.  But I did drop to a 12 in the jeans, so YAY for me!

20. Do better at keeping up with tithing

Working on it

21..Call my family members at least 2x a month. I am terrible at loosing touch with everyone, because I hate to talk on the phone!

Nope, i think after recent chaos we will just have to see how this goes.
22. Do something as a suprise for my hubs (If you are reading this...You never know when it could happen!)

The watch I bought him for Christmas came as a huge shock to him. He was definately suprised!

23. Run the Kemah bridge...I really need to start training for that one. I know there are clubs who get up early in the morning and do it, but I am usually on my way to work at that time of the morning (see 5 am)

Still running, but not quite ready for the bridge yet.

24. Catch up on some of my TV shows...between working insane hours and having 78 gagillion things to do when I am actually off, my DVR is full!

Since the kids spent a good part of the Christmas break with grandparents, I caught up on everything except for Sons of Anarchy.  Then I got behind again.

25. Wear makeup and fix my hair more than once a month. I feel better about how I look when I take the time to do it, but making the time doesn't happen very often.

The only reason this was achieved was due to the holidays and having places to be.

26. Get my nails done. I think they have been neglected since June aside from my half assed attemps to keep them decent enough for flip flops.
Once.  Right before Christmas.  Now they look like crap again.  Note to self...GO GET YOUR DAMN NAILS DONE!

27. Buy new couches and a table.

Couch - done.  Table not so much.  Not really a priority at the moment.

28. Have family portriats taken (or at least make the appointment).

Scheduled...March 20th

29. I am at a loss for this last one. There are plenty of things that I want to do, but the logistics of doing them before 30 make them unlikely. I am going to use one of them anyway. I want to visit my sister who lives in Wisconsin and her son who is only 5 days younger than mine. I haven't seen her in 23 years, but the why is a super long story and has a lot to do with Bio Mom!

I didn't expect to do this one, but now that she is engaged I have a good excuse to travel up there.

Feb 23, 2010

Dinner With Ed

I think we have already established on this blog that my family is Springer worthy.  So to protect myself from jumping into the fray with the rest of the crazies I happen to be related to, I surround myself with my chosen family.  My friends are the people that I can share anything with and who see the real me.

On Friday night I went out to dinner with my oldest and best friend (and we brought our husbands too) to celebrate my upcoming b-day.  You may remember her as Ed.  We met as freshman in high school and despite crazy schedules, moving to other states, and many other obstacles we have remained close.

We had to get together early since she won't be able to make it to the big surprise blow out this weekend - she is going on a cruise.  I actually know now that we are going to Austin, but still have no clue what we are going to do while there.  We decided to go eat at a great Italian place called Vincents.  We sat in the back, drank, ate, caught up on what family and other friends have been up to and had a wonderful time.  Her husband has been working in Iraq and got to come home unexpectedly so it was an even better celebration to get to have him there too.  By the time we left there were only a few people left in the restaurant and the waiters kept coming back to check and see if we needed anything else.  Why no Mr. Waiter, we cannot take a hint.  We are having fun.

But eventually it was time to call it a night and drag our asses back to our own parts of town (which are unfortunately an hour apart).

I miss her a lot when we don't get to spend time together.  I love her and would do anything for her.  And she even made up for missing our Austin trip and taking a cruise that she did not invite me on (the nerve).  I am the proud owner of a gift certificate for not 1, but 2 massages!

Feb 22, 2010

Video Monday - Everyone Buckle Up

Okay, so I'm not typically a PSA type of gal, but this is one that I truly believe everyone should be aware of.  Do not just worry about yourself being buckled up in a car, don't go anywhere until everyone is secure.  The video shows just what can happen if only one person does not buckle up.  Warning:  It is fairly graphic.  I need to send this to my sister.  The one we drove to San Antonio in October for her husbands deployment ceremony.  One of the arguments on that day was about her not wearing her seat belt in the truck.  She thought she was fine since she was in the very back of the Expedition.  She had the nerve to argue with me about it with her dad in the car.  He is a quadriplegic from a car accident where he wasn't wearing a seat belt.

Feb 17, 2010

What will I give up this year?

I had grand plans for yesterday to share with you all my most awesome (and first) experience with Mardi Gras.  It just happened to fall on my 21st birthday and we partied like rock stars.  Unfortunately, I got called by my sons new school...on his 2nd day there...to be told he has diarrhea and needed to be picked up.  So, you will have to wait for another time to hear about the hedonism of my youth.  Now on to today's post about Lent!  Don't worry...I am not going to get all biblical here (maybe just 1 definition).


I think I mostly still do lent out of habit, and maybe even as a way to test my self control.  I am not Catholic, but I did grow up in the Lutheran Church (my grandfather was our Pastor).  My family attends a non-denominational church that doesn't really push Lent.  I am not even sure most people who do lent even know why (in the religious sense) that they do it or why it is 40 days.  It is representative of the 40 days Jesus spent in the wilderness fasting.

Previous Years...

I try to pick something different every year.  I also try to make it something that I will have a hard time giving up.  Some years I am successful, others not so much.  My successes include carbonated beverages, fast food, smoking and beer.  Most people said the beer was a cheat since I allowed my self to drink other forms of alcohol.  My response..."and what did you give up ass wipe?"

My failures come a bit more often.  At the beginning of 2005, my daughter had just turned 2 and we decided that was the right time to start trying for a second child.  What better time could there be for me to give up alcohol for lent?  Yeah,  my husband was traveling more than he was home, I was working a job that I hated and driving a seriously crazy amount in Houston traffic everyday (for those of you who are familiar with the area...from League City to Baytown (for my daughter's preschool...it was close to my MIL work) to the Galleria area where I worked in rush hour.  I think I made it almost 2 weeks.  Then, I really needed a drink (or two or seven).  Payback came when I found out I was pregnant a week later.

Giving up coffee was also an utter failure.  The caffeine withdrawal headaches nearly put me over the edge.  I really don't like to torture my self with headaches especially when I am a weirdo that won't take medication until I am on my death bed.

This Year

I was really struggling (actually not, I just kinda ignored that it was coming up) with what I was going to give up this year.  I really don't drink that many sodas anymore, just one or 2 on the weekends.  Fast food is few and far between.  I am not a chocoholic...in fact I am not really big on any sweets. 

The topic was a big one on the radio this morning.  The Catholic Church is apparently asking people to reduce their carbon foot print and offering suggestions on how to do so.  Some people are giving up white foods.  Hmmmm.  Some people aren't giving things up, but pledging to do something better like drink more water of go to church.  Yeah, not the right thing for me though.  The I heard it.  Giving up chips.  The thought send chills up my spine.  I am addicted to salty snacks.  If you leave me alone with a bag of chips they will disappear!  Let me tell you, I should have stock in the Lays company just so I could get back some of my money!  So there it is internet.  I am giving up chips.

So, what if anything will you give up?  Do you do it for religious reasons?  If you are Jewish, do you have any thing that calls for you to make a sacrifice in you life?

Feb 15, 2010

Video Monday - Shake Weight

You know I wouldn't believe this thing was real if I hadn't actually seen it in Target the other day! 

They now have a men's version also, but I can't imagine them needing any extra help with this type exercise.  BTW...the men's was not on the shelf at Target.

I had seen the really lame commercial for the women's once, but I never knew this was a manually powered piece of equipment!

Feb 10, 2010

Super Size Me

Note to all parents out there...If you enjoy bribing your children with a trip to the good ole McD once a week, DO NOT watch this documentary.

I remember all the media this little film got several years ago when it first came out, but I didn't really pay any attention to it.  Hey, I'm fairly smart.  I know that crap is bad for you.  But you gotta splurge every know and then.  And what better way to get your kids to do what you want.  Right?

Well, I skipped lunch one day last week because I was too lazy forgot to pack my lunch and left my wallet at home.  My MIL had picked the kids up from school and taken them to the Golden Arches to play and get a Mighty Kids meal.  Angelique had barely touched her little double burger with absolutely nothing on it but meat.  I was starving so I tore off a quarter of it and chowed down.  Then I ate Christian's fries.  The bummer part came when I went to track my calories for the day (cause I'm on a diet! boo) and found out that little burger is 440 cal and the kids fries are 220 cal.  HOLY SHIT!

This discovery led me to watch the above mentioned documentary on the Internet.  WARNING:  Do not watch if you have just eaten or have a weak stomach!  Did you know that the Crispy Chicken Salad with ranch dressing at this place has more fat than the burger?  Just thought I was cheating the system (although I switched to grilled several years ago). 

All I can say is it was eye opening.  I never want my children to eat fast food again!  I know that this is an unlikely thing to uphold, but maybe I can limit it to once or twice a month and feed their bodies with whole grains, fruits and broccoli (the only veggie they will eat for some reason) the rest of the time.

I also need a good alternative bribe that does not consist of bringing more crappy toys that they will never play with into my house.  Maybe sleep overs?   Cause that won't make me any more crazy!

Feb 9, 2010

Creative Juices

I don't really know what is going on in my head that has me back on the kick of a need to be creative and, well, create stuff.  Because, you know, I really don't already have enough to do.  Blogging was a really good start, but it is not feeding that creative drive in me.  Its more of me kind of just spewing out the BS in my head.

I have a family of creative people (both step, half, and real).  My bio-mom, dad, and mom were all in school bands (and one brother) and my dad even played the drums in a garage type band back in the day.  He had a shirt made for his band "performances" that said Drummers Do It in Rhythm.  I think I wore that shirt to sleep in from the time I was 4 until just last year when Clint finally convinced me it was time to let it go.  Bio-mom went to art school and can do graphic designing (one of my brothers is following this path and another is weighing it as an option).  A couple of my sisters were in choir and can play piano.  Does it seem like there's a lot of siblings here?  Well, there are.  I am the oldest of 7 (just none with the same parent combination - except the twins).

I tried my hand at drawing when I was younger.  In fact I spent most of Freshman Algebra drawing instead of listening to lectures.  I was decent, just nothing that had any wow factor to it.  I cannot sing to save my life (and was made aware of my lack of talent at a young age).  I tried to crochet with less than stellar results.  My efforts at decorating cakes for my kids birthday parties started out good, but quickly fell into me staying up all night before a party with tears of despair.  My dad started to teach me to play the drums when I was 10.  After my first few lessons though, he found out he was having a son, and the lessons ceased.  I used to make clothes for my daughter and her friends (when they were babies), but she is too old now and needs designer duds apparently.  Also, I don't have the time to do it now.

Right now my most creative I can get is working on my daughters school projects.  Last night was the Valentine's Box.  We ended up arguing because she didn't like what I had done (FYI...all I did was wrap the cereal box (required) in pink dot wrapping paper (the only paper in the house not Christmas themed).  Clint got upset with me because "I need to get to where she and I are friends so she will confide in me as she gets older".

So what are my options?  What can I do to release some of this creativeness all bottled up inside?

Feb 8, 2010

Video Monday - Bud Light

I am not really a Bud Light drinker.  If I want a drink, I will usually have an Italian Margarita and call it a day.  If I do want a beer, I want a Shiner Blonde.  However, someone over in Bud Light's marketing department is a genius.  I saw the first one the other day on TV and it reminded me of the 2nd that I received on e-mail a few years ago.

And I definitely cannot end today's post with out giving a shout out to the New Orleans Saints!

Feb 4, 2010

I Need a Release

My post today is mostly for personal therapy.  I really need to get it out in words.

First, I would like to thank all of you for your advise on Tuesday about my sleep problem.  I did try the melatonin and it worked very well.  Until last night when I had a bad dream about my husband's dream self having a girlfriend and rubbing it in my face and a whole series of other craziness.  I woke up at 1:30 and was so anxious I almost decided by 2:30 there was no way I was getting back to sleep and nearly decided to just go to work at that insane hour.  Crazy I know, but then I wouldn't have spent 4 hours lying in bed awake listening to my husband's real self snore.

But, my crazy dream is not the point for today, just maybe related to my fears.  You see, I am not exactly close to anyone in my family.  I don't like to talk on the phone, so I don't stay in contact very well with anyone.  That, and my family is a group of world class grudge holders.  Myself included.  After all, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Right now the rift is between my father and me.  I don't even know for sure what it is about (but I have a pretty good idea).  About the time I got married (about 7 years ago), my dad and step mom's divorce was just being finalized (my step mom raised me and is the closest parental relative I have to this day).  The major issues started when holidays came up, and I was expected to choose which to spend my time with.  A good portion of the time was spent with mom, mostly because she would call and invite my family to what ever event was going on with extended family.  I typically didn't hear from my father unless I called him on the actual day to say "Happy (fill in the blank holiday).  One year on Easter, this "tradition" of our happened once again.  Only this time he was depressed and ended up having seizures (he was attempting to quit drinking cold turkey after 20+ years of very heavy drinking).  He ended up being forced in to rehab by my uncles and Nana.  Where they wouldn't tell me where he was or how he was doing since (and this is a quote) "I didn't care how he was really and it was my fault he was there in the first place".  Excuse me!  I didn't put the beer in his hand at 16 and tell him to drink up.  I didn't teach him to open his throat and chug a whole beer in one gulp.  He put himself where he was and I was not taking responsibility for his actions. 

That most certainly had me on the outs with most of my family for a couple years.  Now we are back to our same old habits of not communicating, but the family can all be in one room without it being too awkward.  Even though I still get pretty worked up about spending time in their presence.  I still feel like I am being judged all the time.  I didn't see him on Thanksgiving (working) or Christmas Day (stayed home) this past year, but I did send him a text to let him know I was thinking about him.  I know sending a text sounds really bad, but when we get on the phone together, we sit there for 10 minutes with dead air, not really saying anything.  I saw him the day after Christmas at a wedding reception for my cousin.  We were both there for several hours and all he said to me the entire time was..."I got your text, Merry Christmas!"  I attributed his shortness with me was caused by him assuming that I had spent the aforementioned holidays with Mom.

Until Tuesday.  On the day I was beyond miserable from lack of sleep for several days, I got a call from my cousin (who keeps me pretty well in the loop family wise) to let me know our Pawpaw was in the ICU.  She was surprised to find out my dad had not called me to tell me he was sick, because he has been for some time and he just went down to visit him 2 weeks ago with her dad.  He is dying.  He, like my father, is an alcoholic.  He has destroyed his body and is dying.  He doesn't want anyone to come visit him because he doesn't want people to remember him the way he looks now.  When my Grandmama (Pawpaw's mom) was in the hospital just before she passed away (I was 19), I went to see her in ICU and passed out from the shock of seeing her that way.  Pawpaw was the one who caught me before I hit the floor.  I can't help but wonder if that is playing a role in his request.  I am feeling so many different things at the moment.  I am definitely feeling sorrow and grief for the upcoming loss of a man that is very dear to my heart.  But, also detracting from those feelings is anger and disbelief, that whatever wrong doing my dad thinks I may have done to him, he would not even bother to call and tell me.

I believe that my strange dream last night can be attributed to my jumbled feelings this week.  My biggest fear in life would be to loose my family.  My husband, my children, my close friends.  They are all I really have.

Feb 2, 2010

Too Tired to Make Much Sense!

I would certainly rather be in my warm cozy bed sleeping right now, than here at work praying that my coffee has enough caffeine content to keep me awake through another 10 hour day.

You see dear friends, I have a sleeping problem, or maybe I should say, a lack of sleeping problem. I cannot call it insomnia since it does not last more than 2 weeks at a time, but it is definitely a disturbance that in my OCD ways needs a name. Unfortunately, the most I have been able to discern on my bff Google is that it is a sleep disturbance. Well no shit Sherlock!

I have these "sleep disturbances" a few times a year. I am currently on day 2 of this one. The last was the worst so far, running about 2 1/2 weeks and at the same time I was starting a turnaround (working 6-7 days a week for 12-14 hour days). I think a large part of my problem - after the first initial days - is that I get myself so worked up about not being able to sleep that going to bed becomes such a dreaded time of my day, that my anxiety doesn't let me fall asleep. The other part of my problem is two fold.

1. I won't go to the doctor. I know what he will say. It's just stress blah, blah, blah and will tell me to take some OTC crap that is Benadryl (diphenhydramine) in different packaging OR will prescribe a prescription sleep drug that has side effects so much worse (in my mind) than sleep deprivation.

2. Did I mention I don't take medications until I am desperate? Pills scare me! I come from a family touched by addiction and depression. I see falling into that hole way to easy an option and will avoid even "safe" OTC options unless hog tied and forced. Okay, maybe not hog tied, but Clint does usually have to force me to take even Advil (except for migraines - I don't mess with that).

So tonight (assuming I am not forced to take the OTC sleep aid in my cabinet), I am going to go running when I get home, have a hot bath, drink some hot Sleepy-time Tea and go to bed. If that doesn't work (which I already know better) tomorrow night will start the sleeping (hopefully) with the assistance of Unisom (doxylamine).

I know there is an herbal product out there also that is supposed to help, but the fact they are not well tested scares me too!

What do you think? Do you have any things I can try to put myself to sleep with out meds? Aside from hitting myself over the head with a hammer that is?

Feb 1, 2010

Video Monday

I heart this!  America should have some commercials like this and make TV enjoyable (or at least funny) again!