Apr 30, 2010

Let's Hear It for New York* - Friday

sang in my best Alicia Keys impersonation (doesn't sound any better, but I'm getting more confident)



If you missed it, you can find Part I here.

Today's edition will chronicle day two of our New York adventures...

Friday

5:30a - I am mother truckin' tired of that damn a/c noise.  Stupid hubs can sleep though any damn thing.  I get up, turn the bane of my existence off, open the windows, and lie in bed staring at the ceiling for the next 2 hours.

9:00a - Clint joins me in wakefulness, and we head down to meet CJ and Jen at Starbucks (we weren't in the same hotel because of some booking issues...apparently the draft was in NYC the same weekend)

9:30a - Coffee in hand, Advil kicking in, we head off to the one and only must do thing on our list.  The waffle guy (seen on "Throwdown" on the Food Network 1 month prior to our trip).  As fate would have it, they were parked literally around the corner from our hotel Friday morning (they have a website where you can find their location at any time).  We wanted to take a picture, but just after we placed our order, a burly man comes out of the building behind us and provided us with the catch phase of the weekend.  (In a bad NY accent) "I got better things to do with my day than chase down waffle guys".  Apparently the building occupants (looked to be a photography gallery) did not want the truck there and had told them to move the week before.  Whooops!  At least we got our kick-ass waffles first!



10:00a - After a quick stop in Time Square to see if available shows are posted yet, and popping into Toys R Us to see the indoor ferris wheel, we were ready for the MET.  I think I could have spent an entire week in this place and not seen it all.  Greek, African and Asian, Oh my!




1:30p - Lunch break for some hot dogs in the park from the street vendor.  I never understood, until then why people say they love tulips.  After seeing them in the park, I am reformed.

2:00p - Back in the MET to see King Tut's Funeral and the art wing.  Jen spent a bit of time searching for the perfect place to have dinner on her phone (thanks again Jen), and Clint spent a lot of time taking pics of her doing so.


3:30p - Oh crap, we are running late.  We need to get to Time Square and get in line for tickets to the show we want to see.  Now, being the classy folks we are, you might think we were desperately trying to get tickets to the Cirque du Soleil "Ovo" show or Chicago (these were actually or back up choices).  No, we desperately wanted to see, wait for it...."Rock of Ages".  You see, CJ and I are only slightly obsessed with the 80's and our spouses put up with it, they are really fans to.  Did I mention Constantine from American Idol fame was the "star" of the show.  Didn't really amount to a hill of beans to me, but some people love their American Idol like I love my Hair Bands.

4:30p - Tickets in hand, Jen wanted to change before the show, so she and CJ headed back to their hotel while Clint and I went to the Hard Rock for some pre-dinner drinks.  We were sitting next to a large group who were trying to avoid their responsibilities of being in a wedding they were in town for.  They were also Dr. Pepper lovers, so when Clint ordered his usual Jim Beam and DP they were all over it.  Apparently this was new to them, so he passed his glass for them to sample his chosen concoction.  He now has some converts from the Jim Beam and coke crowd.

5:30p - We ate our pre-Show dinner at a wonderful little Italian restaurant called Fragolino Trattoria.  The food was wonderful as was the service.  But the kicker comes when I look across the street to see this little gem.  It takes everyone else 30 minutes to see it because of the traffic going by each time they look.  But it is there.  And it has my name (that's not my middle name BTW, but is what I was name for, It means Dear One in Italian).  Next time we are in NYC we are eating there.  I have put my foot down on that one.  Hell, I was ready to leave the restaurant we were in just to see if we could even get into the place...is that bad of me?

7:15p - We have a few minutes to kill before the most rockin show on Earth, so we stop at the place next to the theater Trattoria Trecolori for dessert and drinks.  We ordered 3 different things, tiramisu, cannoli and some other thing that I cannot remember for the life of me.  They were sooooo yummy!

8:00p - Broadway here we come.  The show was awesome and we had an awesome time singing along to our fave '80's tunes.  I was sad when it was over, but I can replay just about every song the show featured on my iPod since I already have them.

11:00p - We figure this is a good a time as any to go check out the Statue of Liberty.  We were told in advance (by Clint's parents) that actually going to the Statue is an all day affair, but you can see it at night from the Staten Island Ferry.  I don't think it was be an experience we would like to have again.  At least not late at night.  The hum of the ferry for 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back nearly put us all to sleep.  And we did not get very good pictures.  These were the best ones...













1:30a - Ah, sleep, I am coming for you now.  But I learned my lesson.  No a/c.  Windows open, blinds down (no one wants to wake up to pigeons sitting on their bed).  I will leave you with one last photo, that I'm guessing Clint took because of the Sweet Action drink.  Not sure where it was taken though.



Tune in on Tuesday to find out what all we managed to squeeze into Saturday!

Apr 29, 2010

Let's Hear It For New York* - Thursday

*sang in my best Alicia Keys impersonation (which to be honest is worse than bad)

This past weekend was an absolute whirl wind.  We fit somuch into about 2.4 days that we possible could.  I'll break up the trip into days so the page will actually load with all the pictures.

Thursday:

5:30a - Neither of us can sleep, so we decide to make some good use of quiet time

6:30a - Get the kids up - bribe them with Donald's Donuts (best place around) if they hurry up and get ready

7:30a - Leaky drops chocolate milk all down the front of her clothes and we have to haul booty home to change and get the kids to school on time

8:00a - Drop kids off

9:30a - Leave for the airport

11a-1:30p - Flight to Chicago Midway

1:45p - Flight to NYC is delayed by 3 hrs (WTF)

2:00p-3:00p - Eat lunch at Harry Carey's in Airport

3:10p - Back to terminal to to discover flight has been moved back up 2 hrs and get on plane 20 min later

3:30p - 6:30p (allows for time change) - Flight to NYC

6:45 - Friends from Baltimore who took bus up, meet us at airport, grab bags and hire a car to take us to the Da Vinci Hotel on 56th and Broadway (which the driver had never heard of)

7:30 - Drop crap and head for some dinner in China Town.  Where you ask?  Joe's Sichuan.  Family style Chinese restaurant known for their pork and crab steam dumplings (I actually preferred the pork).  But I have to say, it was the best Chinese I have ever eaten.  Oh yeah, did I mention I don't know how to eat with chopsticks.  Well it was either learn or wait till Clint was done eating and convince him to feed me.  I decided it was time to learn.  I did OK.




9:15p - On to SoHo for drinks at a little Irish pub called Mc Sorley's Ale House.  Opened in 1854 and full of history.  Per Wikipedia "No piece of memorabilia has been removed from the walls since 1910. After the New York Rangers won the Stanley Cup in 1994, they took the cup to Mc Sorley's and drank out of it; the resulting dent caused the NHL to take the trophy back for several days.[citation needed]  Famous people have imbibed at McSorley's, including Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Boss Tweed, and Woody Guthrie.  Two of McSorley's most famous mottos include "Be Good or Be Gone", and "We were here before you were born". Prior to the 1970 Supreme Court ruling, the motto was "Good Ale, Raw Onions and No Ladies." The raw onions can still be had as part of the famous McSorley's cheese platter. The prime condiment is some extremely spicy hot mustard found on each table in a beer mug."  The kicker of this place...you have two drink options..light ale or dark ale.  For the group of 4 of us 8 half pints were brought to the table at a time.  I have to say, just the 2 options were just right for us.


11:00p - An hour before midnight we found ourselves on foot again.  Head towards the Empire State Building.  It really takes some time just to get up to the observation deck of this builiding, even that late at night, there was still quite a few people (and some school groups) out to experience the quintessential New York tourist attraction.  There is so much more going on in that little strip of land than I ever expected.














1:30a - We make it back to our little boutique hotel and are ready to crash.  But, I have to clean up first.  Here's a tip for anyone who has never had this experience.  DO NOT wear flip flops in New York unless you want your feet to be BLACK!  Seriously, it was gross.  Attempts to sleep followed, but our a/c in the room sounded like Jim Carey from Dumb and Dumber making that really annoying loud noise...every 5 frikin' minutes!

Come back tomorrow to find out about our Friday adventures in the Big Apple!

Apr 28, 2010

Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans - 1 Month!

So, I've been a blog slacker.  I haven't posted in a week and I have so much to share about my trip to New York.  First, I have to charge my camera so I can get the photos off of it.  I guess I've been a slacker in other areas too.  Ooops.


On to the weekly check in for Journey from Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans hosted by Shortmama...

weightloss

How did you do on our first month of the journey? Were you able to stay on track with the 3 simple changes you chose in our first challenge? Are there adjustments that you can see you need to make in order to continue to be successful at winning this battle of losing weight?


I was doing really well with most of my small changes.  The one I struggled with the most was taking my lunch with me, especially when my schedule got crazy.
This week was a bit disappointing for me.  I didn't get on the scale this morning because I got on the scale Sunday evening when we got home.  I was aware that my trip to New York was not going to have a great effect on my weight loss journey, but figured I would be balancing it a bit with all the walking and stair climbing we did.

That turned out not to be the case according to my evil scale.  I am apparently starting over.  Last week I was sitting pretty at 5 lbs lost.  Now, I am back at square one.  It really knocked me off the horse, so to speak for Monday.  I can't say that I didn't contemplate just giving up.  But that passed and I am now getting up and dusting myself back off.  I am really hoping that some of the extra weight that showed up can be attributed to a sneaky little thing that is supposed to be on a 28 day cycle, but showed up on a 21 day in the middle of a Broadway show (lucky I caught on to that early).

This weekend one of our local gyms is having a grand re-opening and is offering $0 enrollment.  Usually they tack on fees elsewhere to offset that cost, but I am going to go check it out. 

Apr 21, 2010

Journey from Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans - Week 3

weight loss

Well, it's Wednesday again.  That means its time to check in with Family of Shorts for Journey from Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans.  Want to join in?  Click on the button or link and get busy!

How do you handle a gain or the feeling of knowing your didn't do as well as you had hoped?


I try to prepare myself for no results.  When I am mentally prepared to handle no change in my weight, it feels even better if I have achieved a loss.  But if I have been working really hard and see a gain, I might spend the rest of the day eating things I know I shouldn't.

What kind of effect does this have on you?

It can be really depressing.  It ends up creating a cycle where I try to make up for my bad day (or days) for the remainder of the week, and then have to face the scale again.
Is there something constructive you can do to reward yourself for small steps?

This one is tough.  I tend not to reward myself to much.  Just had a little epiphany...maybe I can put a couple dollars in a jar for every pound I loose, then when I reach my goal weight I will have $80 to go buy myself something nice that flatters my new figure.
And how are you doing this week?

I've been doing pretty bad the past couple of days.  I am not really wanting to blog about it, but otherwise, I have no accountability for my actions. I really need accountability to change my ways.


I got on the scale this morning and I have actually lost a pound since last week.  And I did exercise.  I managed to get through 2 days of the 30 Day Shred before my muscles were so tight I could hardly walk.
What were your challenges?
 
This week the majority of my challenges have come from the hours I am working.  I am getting to work at 4 am (so no morning workout) and by the time I get home at 5:30 I am so tired I want to collapse.  I am also a bit worried about how I am going to do this weekend.  We leave for NYC tomorrow morning and I know I am going to eat somethings that are wayyyyyy off the healthy eating plan.  Maybe I can balance it out at various meals.

Apr 20, 2010

If It Can, It Will

I am not starting my week off on the right foot.

This week I am coming into work at 4am so that I have enough hours by the end of the day Wednesday, that I am not missing any time by taking off to go to New York on Thursday.

Yesterday, I was cruising along through my work when I get a phone call from the school nurse.  My first thought after seeing the caller id is "She cannot seriously be getting sick this week".  Nope that was not the case.  Apparently, she was hit in the eye by the corner of a piece of paper flying across the class room.  Nurse thinks it looks minor, but it would be best to get it checked out by the doctor.  So much for working any extra hours.

Doctor takes a look under a magnifying glass with a light and doesn't see anything.  Wants to make sure, so she put fluorescent dye in her eye and looks with a more specialized magnifying glass in the dark.  There it is.  An abrasion in the center of the cornea.  Antibiotic ointment in the eye (luckily I don't have to do this) and  a eye bandage.  She also has to go back this afternoon for a follow up to make sure it is healing!  Once again, getting up at 3 is becoming necessary just to work an 8 hour day!  Grrrrr!


Honestly, I am thanking God that is was just a minor scratch.  The outcome could have been a whole lot worse.  She was thankful for it because it got her out of cleaning her room and putting away laundry for one more day.

Get home to the boy throwing a tantrum the likes of which have not been seen it quite some time, the roast is not cooked due to crock pot issues, and I am exhausted.  Many thanks to my husband for coming home and taking over.

This morning repeats the process of up at before the butt crack of dawn.  I get to work, settle in.  Go grab my cup for my morning coffee.

WHAT THE MOTHER TRUCKING CRAP!  There is no creamer!  If you read yesterday, I drink my creamer with a touch of coffee.  This morning I am reduced to drinking it black.  This is not bound to be a good day.

Apr 19, 2010

Monday Minute - Poppin' The Cherry

Monday Minute


Today I am going to play along with "Monday Minute" from Ian's blog The Daily Dose of Reality.  Wanna play too, go steal his button and link up!

1 - Ever take a shit in the woods?

Why yes, I have.  Important thing to remember...find soft leaves (and make sure you can identify poison ivy and poison oak).  It also helps if your excuse is camping without any other place to go.

2 - If you won $1,000, what's the first thing you would do with it besides give me a cut?

I would put it towards hiring a contractor to finish our bathroom remodel.  We have been so busy lately it has seen very little progress.

3 - What's your favorite phrase?

If I told you every time you annoy me, I would be bitching all day!  (I blame that one on PMS)

4 - Fill in the blank - the world would be a better place if ______ left the planet.

Abusers

5 - How do you take your coffee or tea?
 
This should be phrased, How do you take your creamer...with a bit of coffee.

Apr 16, 2010

Breakin' Up is Hard to Do

This is an old one that I never publihed.

Damn...now I have that song stuck in my head.

 I figure I've been a bit on the boring, downer side here lately, so hopefully I can turn it around a bit today.  I've been messing around with my blog design and even figured out how to make a button, so grab it and show me you love me!  I've been lazy, but I promise I am coming to get yours too.

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, this is not a current story...just a blast from the past.

Prior to the hubs, I was the veritable Break-up Queen.  You piss me off, I'm out the door.  The boyfriend before my dear hubby Clint, we will call him BM was persistent to say the least.  We worked together, so breaking off the relationship was so much harder when I could feel his eyes boring a hole in the back of my head from the register behind me.

I think the reason the relationship lasted just shy of 3 years was every time we (I) broke up, he would not go away, or just wouldn't let me leave where I was.  Once he even stayed in my car for 2 hours until I agreed that we were not broken up, just on a break.  Like on Friends.  Ironically it turned out about the same for BM and I as it did for Rachel and Ross but with the roles reversed.  The only thing that ended that nauseating pattern was immediately jumping into bed with starting a new relationship with the man I would end up marrying.

You want to know what the bestest excuse I ever used for ending a breakup fight with him was...I'm sorry, I gotta go home for dinner.  My mom's expecting me and she made tacos.  I would much rather eat tacos with my crazy family than continue this conversation.  That got some blood boiling.  I kind of have a knack for saying something that pisses people off at just the right time.

We will discuss BM a bit more when I finally get my Story of Us together.

Apr 15, 2010

Randomness...

Ian over at The Daily Dose of Reality has inspired me with his Story of Us.  What??? You haven't read it yet???  Well if that's true, get your ass over there and read it.  Here, I'll make it easy for you...Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V.  Done?  Ok.

Anyway, I figure Clint and I have an interesting kind of story, so I should take the time to put pen to paper so to speak - maybe that phrase should be edited to fingers to keyboard.  It's a bit of a story so it may take some time to get organized, but know this...it is in your future!  I may even convince hubby to take the time to share his perspective.

In the mean time we have a lot of stuff coming up.  Between our weekly family dinner, birthday parties, hair appointments (any ladies who highlight their hair knows this is at least a 3 hour process), filling my need to cuddle small babies at church (this curbs my desire to actually have another), small group and getting ready to go to NYC next week.  <-------Can you say runon sentence.  My English teacher MIL would be so proud.

I am so excited about this trip that I am about to start suffering from vacationitis - you know, the week before you go on vacation when there really is stuff you should be getting done, but you have lost all focus.  Yeah...getting there.  But this trip is going to be great.  Our friends who live in Baltimore are meeting us there (CJ and Clint have been best friends since they were 6 months, yes months, old.  We already have lots of stuff we want to do in our 2 days/3 nights there.  Any of you out there NYC pros...any suggestions for a newbie?

Apr 14, 2010

Who Needs Accountability?

weight loss

Its that time...time to check in with Shortmama over at Family of Shorts to update how we are doing in our journey from Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans.

This weeks assignment is:

1.  Tell how you did at keeping up with your 3 things last week.
2.  Get on the scale to get a starting weight.
3.  Set some goals.

Just as a quick reminder, my 3 things were to take my lunch to work (or meal plan), eat breakfast, and get up and move around.

I did really well with the 2nd two items from last week.  I ate breakfast everyday (except Sunday when I was running late for church) and I got outside and played with my kiddos and even mowed the lawn last week with out the assistance of the self propelled function.  Don't judge, but I am considering that a major workout.  The one thing I did poor at was taking my lunch to work.  It has seemed recently that even if I plan to cook enough to have left overs, I have nothing left at the end of a meal.  It was really puzzling me until we took Christian in yesterday for his check-up with his allergy and asthma specialist.  The little stink has grown an inch and a half...in 3 weeks!  No wonder there is no food in my house.  So, last night I picked up a couple of the Healthy Choice steamable meals.  I know these are not usually an ideal solution due to the amount of sodium, but they are better than the alternative cafe' here at work.  Plus, these actually taste good.

I am shuddering about getting on a scale.  I will do that tonight when I get home.  I have a pretty good idea about where I am at since I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, so it shouldn't be a complete shock.  Shortmama is not requiring that we share our weight, so guess what...I'm not going to.  I know you were all dying to know right.  In addition to watching my weight weekly, I am also going to watch my measurements monthly to see where (if) I am making progress on my body shape or just dropping water weight.

Goals...hmmmm...My long term goal is going to be that I would like to be back into single digit pant size by the end of the year.  For short term...I want to drop 10 lbs for Memorial Day.

I think those things are within reach for me.  I have the 30 day shred, I just need to get down to business and do a real workout that includes more than pushing a lawn mower around in circles.

Apr 13, 2010

A Case of the Mondays - Swapping makes it Better

Yesterday was a Monday.  And I mean that in a string of expletives fashion.  It seemed like nothing was going my way.  All the factors for a no good, very bad day were lining up just perfectly.

  1. No sleep - check
  2. Getting up and going to work at 3:30 am - check
  3. Allergies going bazonkers - check
  4. Boss who needs this report NOW before a 6 am Monday meeting.
  5. Packed the breakfast sausage left overs instead of turkey burgers for lunch - check
  6. Finish preparing taxes - owe tons - check
  7. Taking little man to the dentist for his first (and better be the last) filling - check
But a little light flickered on in my dim mind when I arrive home to find this wonderful package on my door step.  It is from Tenny at Simply A Mom.  This wonderful swap hosted by shortmama at Family of Shorts has brightened my day before I even have to fight my kids to be able to open my own damn mail.

After the kids are ushered outside - because they are bugging me need some fresh air, I got to ogle my pretty new things.



So many wonderful things.  In the back there is a tote that is the perfect size for a beach towel and a book.  A chic photo album that very well may encourage me to print some of my bazillion digital photos.  The mango body butter and kiwi candle are awesome scents that I love.  And the kids and I are sure to have fun decorating the green and pink paper lanterns.  The water bottle is something I have been meaning to buy and now I don't have to.  I actually have been using my cup from the hospital (you know the massive one they leave in your room when you have a kid).  Now I can look a bit more up to date, and I love that there is a drinking spout lid.  There are also 3 books and a photo book mark that are sure to take residence in the above mentioned tote:  Life, Libby and the Pursuit of Happiness, Flies in the Butter and Whispers of Encouragement for Mom.


I have a feeling this will end up on my nightstand.

Now, my absolutely favy-fave thing that Tenny sent...


This cup is rockin' my day (I already used it for my herbal tea last night).  It says Mercy peace and love be yours in abundance.  And the combination of chocolate and caramel cannot be beat.  It is my one true candy weakness.

Apr 8, 2010

I Can't Even Let My Kids Listen to The Radio!

Role Model Material???

I am a lover of all different kinds of music.  I could not tell you what my fav genre is.  To say my Ipod is ecclectic would be an understatement.  It is more likely confused at all the things that are mixed up in there.  I just love music.

There is rarely a time when the radio is off in the car and when cleaning at home the TV is usually set to the 80's hair band channel on satelite radio.

I determined, after my daughter came home singing something inappropriate that she heard on a pop station (like Lady Gaga or Ke$ha) that we needed to switch the station to something country in the car when the kids were with us.

Last night, I discovered that I was wrong in that assumption.  My 4 year old son was lying in bed, avoiding sleep and singing "Save a horse, ride a cowboy"

Nice!

I am thinking I may need to create a strictly child approved playlist for my kids spongy brains to listen too in the vehicle.

I just love his little feet haning off the bed, and had to take a picture.

Apr 7, 2010

Not Going It Alone Anymore

weightloss

Well, here I go again.  Trying to loose weight and get healthy.  But this time I am joining in on shortmamas Journey from Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans.  It is always easier when you have someone do support you on your goals.  And this way there are lots of someones.

The assignment for this week was to list 3 small things you can change to start you down the path to weight loss.

1.  Pack my lunch (and breakfast and snacks) and take it to work.  We have a cafe out here at the plant and "healthy" is not on the menu.  My problem has been that I leave so early in the morning (usually no later than 5:20 a.m.) that I don't have time to make it.  I am committing myself to set aside a few minutes each evening and put together a healthy meal that I can just grab on my way out the door.

2.  Eat breakfast.  Not just breakfast, but a high fiber filling one that will last me till lunch time so I am not tempted to go grab a sugary snack from the vending machine or grab a kolache (sausage stuffed sweet bun) that someone brought in.  I am trying to stick with oatmeal or whole grain toast with Greek yogurt.

3.  Get up and move.  After a 10 hour work day and nearly 2 hours commuting, I want to kick off my shoes, grab an adult beverage and veg out for awhile.  I need to get my butt outside and run around with my kids.  It will make us both happier have the benefit of burning a few calories.

There you go.  Today is the start of a new me.  Nah, not really, but it is the day I am going to start trying to take better care of the me I already am.  And maybe, just maybe I will let my self control win over the Easter candy tonight.

Apr 6, 2010

7 Things?

It appears I have been given an award from one of these meme things.  Thank you Zack over at Zack's Hot Tub


So the rules go 7 things about your self blah, blah 7 people you want to join you in this.  A few of you have already done it, so those of you left feel free.  Or feel free to ignore me too.  Your choice!

Here goes...

1.  I am afraid of ducks.  Seriously!  When I was about 15, I took my 4 yr old brother to feed the ducks at a pond in our neighborhood.  They started chasing him when he ran out of bread, and me after I managed to scoop him up trying to peck at my legs.  They still freak me out to this day!

(This had me completely freaked out)

2.  I am very quiet until I have had a few drinks, then I will talk your ear off and you will know all the things about me that I worry people will judge me about.

3.  I am the oldest child of 6 (biologically - though none full) plus 1 step- its actually more than that now, but I stopped counting additional siblings after I was grown.

4. I like to sew, but I haven't had the time to do much in several years.

5.  I met my husband the first time when I was 12 at a dance at a campground where we danced together and then ended up complaining to the same person (we didn't know that we both knew this person) that we had danced with someone who didn't know how to 2-step - who knew there were so many ways to do the same dance.

6.  I am a chipaholic.  Salty snacks are my vice.

7.  I hate shopping!  At least for myself.  I end up frustrated and give up most times.

Apr 5, 2010

Cara + Conflict = _____________

I am CONFLICTED!  To me that should be a 4 letter word.  Conflict and I don't get along well.  In fact I tend to avoid it at all cost.  I spent the first 21 years of my life in conflict and chaos and would rather not have any of it for the rest of my life.  If any of you have figured out the secret, please (please, please, please, puh-lease!!!) let me in on it.

I have been in and out of feeling down (I should just call it as it is - DEPRESSED - another 4 letter word) lately.  I can't put my finger on the exact cause of it.  I can name some factors in it, but not the root of the issue.  Clint wants nothing more than to help me, but when I think about telling him its the house and the kids and never stopping and having enough down time to take a breath, I start feeling guilty and my withdraw deepens.

Clint and I are pretty much opposites.  I crave order and neatness, while he thrives on chaos and disorder.  We kind of have an unspoken (or occasionally spoken) agreement that he cooks, I clean.  For the most part I am ok with this arrangement that we have.  When it overwhelms me is when I want to get on to the kids for leaving their laundry folded in the chair, or their shoes on the living room floor, or their dishes on the table and I can't.  Why?  Because, Clint's clothes are sitting in the chair, his shoes are in the middle of the floor, and his work shirt he just took off is hanging over the kitchen chairs.

Some nights, he will recognize my rising frustrations and tell me to relax, "I'll handle it".  You would thing that would put my mind at ease, but I still can't relax.  Because, I will most likely end up doing what I sat down from doing the next day.  And I have things to do the next day!

Clint, I know you are reading this, and it may sound like it is you.  That is not where I am trying to go with this.  I think what frustrates me most, is my inability to set these small things aside.  I start to feel angry that I have all this on my shoulders, then guilty because I already leave a whole lot to you.  Especially with the kids.  When I am feeling like an inadequate parent, not being able to get though to the kids and a terrible person for yelling at them so much, you are able to get them going in the right direction.  Or distract them (and me) when I am on a rolling tangent (goose-fraba huh?).

I am trying desperately to pull myself out of this funk.  I know that the biggest part of solving a problem, is recognizing there is a problem.  That is done, now I have to stay focused.  Overcome this monster that tries to over take my life every now and then.  I can do it.  I have done it.  I will do it again.