Sep 12, 2011

10 Months

It amazes me the changes that can occur in such a short amount of time.  I can't tell you how many times within less than 1 year my life has seemed like I've known what my future holds, only to have everything turned on it head.  Even when logic has told me, this is too good to be true, I wouldn't allow myself to go there.

The last time I posted to my blog, my son was in preschool and my daughter in 2nd grade.  It was the 8th anniversary of my marriage.  We had been in our home for almost 5 years and while we knew we were in a place too small for us, we had no plans for making a change. 

In that time my son started school (for me was wonderful having both of my kids in the same place rather than sad that I had passed a milestone for the last time).  We picked out a piece of property and started negotiations to buy and build our dream home.  My father-in-law purchased property and began building the home of his dreams.

This is a home he saved for.  A house he waited for retirement to build.  Is paying cash to have built.  A house he will likely not see finished. 

On December 29, 2006 he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.  It had been caught too late and was give 6 months without treatment. 5 years (if he was lucky) with the best medical treatment available.  If you do the math, apparently luck has been on our side.  We are just 4 months shy of the maximum life expectancy given.  Other odds have been beaten.  In 2008 he spent 6 weeks in the hospital to have 1/2 of his liver removed to remove a tumor that could not be treated in a traditional sense.  This surgery on its own only had a max life expectancy of 2 years.  However, it does not appear we will beat the initial prognosis.

Well, it appears after 4 years, 8-1/2 months, time is drawing to a close.  We live close enough that my husband can spend time with him daily.  There has been a lot of stress involved since my FIL is a planner and one who takes care of others.  A month ago, we were given a time line of 2 to 6 months.  That started a planning session.  Wills have been revised, conversations about taking care of Grandma had, plans made, photographs scanned, video cameras purchased so he can give his own statement at his funeral, acceptance of Christ in his heart. 

I am in a place that I don't know what to do.  I work a full day (and sometimes after I get home) and take care of our children, while my husband spends as much time with his father as he can before he dies from the horrible disease.  I am glad for the time he was give to fulfill his dreams knowing the end was coming and knowing that these last years we have spent some amazing time together as a family.

I know we don't have a choice in life.  But, I would rather not know when the end will come.